Put aside your emotions for a minute and imagine types of cars as different types of Kenyan men. Let’s start with the noisy attention seekers on the road. The ones who are always racing on the highway. Afadhali umkulie bibi kuliko kumovertake. The Subaru. This would be the typical fuckboy. Akina Kevo and Brayo. Playing chicks left, right and center. They dress too much calling it swag which is a sore to the eyes. You will find them constantly posting on Instagram holding cheap bottles of liquor in funny poses and even funnier captions, usually lyrics from the trap group Migos. “I got so much money I should start a bank” while they probably fulizad to buy that bottle of liquor in the first place.
The land cruiser Prado would be a successful entrepreneur who moved from grass to grace. The men of “opposhunity”. You will mostly spot them in those checked shirts with vitabis protruding. Most of their wives, whom they initiated into entrepreneurship as well often drive Harriers. You know, those dot com aunts with short wigs, ridiculously drawn on eyebrows and rings on each finger. These men like to frequent nyama choma joints. “Niletee 3 botros and shoma”. They never miss a kashamba somewhere in Thika or Ruiru in which they plan on putting up a plot. Always looking for new business ventures.
The range rover would be those men who came from rich backgrounds and ended up successful. A CEO somewhere or a prominent businessman. Flying in and out of the country, living a posh life. A beautiful wife who is probably foreign. These men are mostly family men and you will see photos of him, his wife and five-year old son hanging out in their posh house at Runda. These men are mostly sought after by most women but they don’t go on sowing their royal oats everywhere like the subarus.
The Mercedes Benz would be those renowned old rich men. The sponsor material. They either retired from big posts in parastatals or government offices or own big businesses. Most of their children study abroad in big universities and they own several properties in Runda, Karen or Kileleshwa. Most of them have chauffers because they are too rich to drive and their deteriorating eyesight leave them no choice anyway. With responsibilies like jobs taken away from them, they are just left to have some fun. Enjoy the fruits of their long years of labor. Therefore, they have time to entertain young campus girls, splash couple thousands which is nothing to them, as their old wives sit back at home crocheting sweaters.
The probox would be that Kisii shamba boy who has been sent to the city to help his well-off uncle with some handy work for a minimal wage. They talk a lot and are normally very nosy. They feel like they have made it in life simply because they have been brought to the city. Most of them end up confusing someone’s house girl and eventually get them pregnant. After which they deny the pregnancy and the girl herself.